


Take My Hand

by potionsmaster



Series: Death Wish [10]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Choices, Kaidan is Dead, M/M, Uncertainty, What To Do, hard decisions, oh what to do, red blue or green, tick tock goes the clock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 17:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17268443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: “I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of loving someone who might have loved you back but can’t due to deadness.”~ John GreenIf your love was reaching out to you, what would you do?





	Take My Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BardofHeartDive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardofHeartDive/gifts).



> I want your heart
> 
>  
> 
> [ _listen to this while reading_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkQliIqK34Y)

**_Take My Hand_** , by potionsmaster

 

 

Rating: M for Major Character Death.  I mean it.  There be dragons in these waters

 

~~~~~~

 

_“You have hope.  More than you think.  The fact that you’re standing here, the first organic, proves that. But it also proves that my solution won’t work any more.”_

 

_“So now what?”_

 

_“We find a new solution…”_

 

The ethereal child-demon- _thing_ in front of me fades in and out.  I close my eyes and I see Kaidan, clear as day, on my six.

 

He’s there.  

 

Like he always was.

 

I don’t know what to do.  I had asked as many questions as that abomination let me, mulling over my choices.  I’m torn.

 

My whole purpose in life, and un-death, had been to destroy the Reapers.  But...if I did that, I would be committing the very genocide I didn’t allow the quarians to do.  Controlling them was a false hope, a hidden dagger in the night. Of course they would want me to choose that.  It would give them an opportunity to survive, and maybe try again. I couldn’t risk it.

 

But choosing to combine organic and synthetic into one...hmm.

 

An elegant solution to an inelegant problem.

 

“Kaidan?”

 

“ _I’m here, Blake._ ”

 

“I...I’m at a loss.  I need help.”

 

“ _Anything, babe.  I’m ready for the next mission.  Whatever you’ve got_.”

 

I swallow.  It’s painful and thick.  I stare at the three columns, frozen.  He moves up next to me and I want to reach out.  Touch him. It’s futile, though. And it aches worse than anything else in my tortured body right now.

 

“...what would you do?”

 

He cocks his head to the side and smiles, like he always did.

 

“ _Hard to know.  There’s no real right answer._ ”

 

“Yeah...tell me about it.”

 

“ _I don’t need to.  I’ve got your six, whatever happens._ ”

 

“I know.  I just...I just wish I knew what to do.  And then I -” I swallow again. Copper, metallic taste chokes me.  “I just want to come home.”

 

_“Soon, babe.  You have to make the choice.”_

 

“But which one should I choose?”

 

_“What does your gut say?”_

 

“Controlling them...isn’t the way.  Neither is destroying them, no matter how much they deserve it.”

 

_“Do they really, though?  I mean, I hate them as much as the next guy, but they didn’t choose to be created any more than we did.  Sins of the father and all.”_

 

Pragmatic to the last.  I had always liked talking with him back on the SR-1 for that very reason; he always had been able to point out the other side, the other viewpoint.  

 

“You should be here.”

 

_“I am.”_

 

“...no, I mean _here_.  Making the choice.  Instead of me.” I drop my head, staring at my feet shuffling forward.  One step in front of the other. “You were always so much better than me...”

 

_“Blakely…”_

 

“No, i-it’s true…”  I weakly protest. He sounds tired; he only ever uses my full first name when he’s teasing or trying to get my attention.  “You always saw both sides to everything, saw all the possible outcomes…”

 

 _“You give me too much credit.  I_ tried _to see, but I could never have predicted anything like this.  Don’t knock yourself, Blake._ You’re _the one who got us this far._ You. _You are exactly where you need to be.  You can do this.”_  He moves in front of me, coldness from his hands cupping my cheeks seeping into my skin.  I cover his with mine, my hands moving slowly through the illusion, wisps of my longing wrapping around my bleeding, broken fingers before drifting and reforming into the familiar shape I never got to hold in waking life.  I choke back a sob and look beyond him through the windows at the ships exploding in silent poetry.

 

“It’s too big…” I whisper, letting my hands drop.

 

_“Hey...it’s ok.”_

 

“Everyone’s dying, Kaid…you can’t help me.”

 

 _“Sure I can.”_  He smiles sadly at me, taking patient steps backwards, one hand trailing down my cheek, the other outstretched. His whiskey brown eyes lock with mine and give me strength.  My steps steady and become more sure, faster, as I follow him towards the column. He’s there. Like he’s always been.

 

“Don’t leave me again…” I whisper.   

 

_“I’m not, sweetheart.  All you have to do is take my hand.”_

 

I reach.  And all I can see is him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
